Red Pencil Diaries

In 16 days, Zack will start kindergarten. It seems like only yesterday that I was picking him up from preschool. Where did summer go? We haven't done much this year. But I suppose it didn't seem as long since Zack was in preschool until June 17. I'm very excited that he will be going to full day kindergarten. I think he'll enjoy it and honestly, I need a break! Having both kids home all day, every day has been quite exhausting. Lola will eventually go to preschool in a few weeks, but only for two mornings per week. That will be nice, though. She needs to be around more kids her age. She's very excited to be going to a new "school."

Dave travels a lot for work these days. I am home a lot with the kids by myself. So after a week of playing "single mom," Dave and I went to Red River Gorge sans kiddos with friends. We had a wonderful cabin with a nice fire pit area and hot tub. We hiked, rode the skylift up to Natural Bridge, grilled out awesome food, had a delicious home-cooked breakfast. Such a relaxing, much needed weekend. This week, back to the grind. This weekend is going well... but my mind keeps drifting back to that nice, quiet, cabin in the woods.

Last weekend, Dave and I both walked/ran the Derby Mini Marathon. I felt determined for many weeks, but the night before the race, I was terrified. Even though I had been training off and on for months, I wasn't sure if I could make it! But I did finish. It wasn't a great finishing time, but my goal was to just make it across that finish line and get my medal. Now next year, I need to improve my time! Anyone going to join me?

For a long part of my life, I've held onto grudges and beliefs and things that though weren't good for me, helped to make me who I am today. But recently, I have felt the need to let go of those things. I'm feeling like I have found a whole new level to life. Perhaps it's a mid-life crisis. Who knows. But I am enjoying my days more. Loving. Living. Laughing.

It's time for me to let go of the troubles. Grasp what I have and run. Life is too short to worry too much or regret. Just look around. There is beauty and love all around us. And fun to be had. Much, much fun to be had.

As the poem goes... "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may." Time for "carpe diem." I'm on it. Gonna enjoy my day in the sun. It's about time.

This weekend has been amazing. My mood has been greatly uplifted. Sun, warm breeze, outdoors, family and amazing friends. That's what makes life grand. Spring has always had a way of making me feel more alive. This spring is especially awakening. Bring on the sunshine!

On Friday, while we were in Florida on spring break with the kids, my sister called. My mamaw died at 11:30 that morning. We drove home on Saturday morning and spent this evening (Sunday) at the visitation. I felt sad on the trip to the funeral home, but once there, family started sharing old stories and the mood lightened a bit. Mamaw lived a nice, long, full life. Her 96 years must have seen many changes and amazing advancements. Tomorrow is the funeral. I feel better now knowing she no longer suffers. And the family has come to peace. Everyone got along today and it was actually nice to be surrounded by everyone I hadn't seen in awhile, even on such a sad occasion.

Things have turned around in the past few months. I feel grateful and thankful for so many things in my life. Recently, though, my mamaw (mom's mom) was put into hospice and given only a few days to live. She's hung on for over a week now. It's so sad to see someone go in this way. On top of it, we had our vacation planned and paid for and so we had to go. Mom and Dad were supposed to come with us, but stayed back instead, of course. Has made for a bit of a blah vacation. I can't get truly excited about it. But trying not to feel guilty. Just don't want my mamaw to suffer. And want my family to have peace.

Just hope things get back to good once we return home... Finger's crossed.

On December 22, 2009, Princess Pebbles Mays turned 12 years old. That same day, she suffered some sort of stroke and couldn't walk. Such a sad, awful day. She was put to sleep on December 23. She was my baby from way back before we ever thought we would even have babies. I miss her so much. The kids have accepted it, but still have moments where they ask about her. I've tried my best to explain her death and how she wasn't coming back home. Zack drew me a picture of her and wrote her name on it. Lola walks by the laundry room now and then and says "Pebbles not in there." She seems to want me to explain to her again where Pebbles has gone. She's so young, she will likely never remember Pebbles as a pet. But I will remind her and Zack. Pebbles was an amazing bulldog. Even the vet said she'd never seen a 12 year old bulldog before. She was a wonderful old girl and she will be greatly missed.

Ok, I know it's been forever. Sorry. I was working two jobs from home, stressed, taking care of the kiddos, and preparing for the holidays. But I am back. I suppose most of the time I was working was when I was writing for other people, so that sort of burned me out on writing for myself.

Anyway... I thought I would post a bit about life. Things are going pretty well. My temporary job writing for Santasornamentshop.com is over. I wrote about hundreds of Christmas ornaments from September until the second week in December. I also wrote a few Christmas-themed blogs for them. I nearly burned out on Christmas itself!

But leave it to the kids to help me embrace Christmas. They have lists, oh my. Bakugan, Strawberry Shortcake, Zhu Zhu Pets. I spent several hours on two separate occasions waiting in the cold outside ToysRUs to purchase a Zhu Zhu Pet hamster. I finally have two--one for each of them, so no fighting. We've also been to see Santa twice this year. So cute that Lola will finally sit in Santa's lap. She's become quite curious about him, but still won't sit and smile for the camera. She did blurt out to him that she wants a "trawberry chortcake" for Christmas (yes, this is her pronunciation).

I haven't had much time to decide on what I want for Christmas, though. So I decided to sit and make a bit of a list. Yes... it's materialistic. Of course, I want world peace, great health and decent wages for my family, and a load of wonderful close friends to keep me company. Or I would settle for:

1. Tiffany Key Necklace

2. Cute, yet comfortable shoes.

3. A cute cardigan.

4. Some sweet smelling stuff.

5. A warm, colorful scarf.

6. Betseyville shoes (for spring or summer!)

7. More Betseyville!

Early this morning, Dave and I were awakened by our house shaking. We jumped up, thinking something had exploded or hit our house. We looked out the windows and all I could see (without my glasses on) were tree limbs in the road. I thought "could it be a bad storm?" But Dave barreled out the front door. He had the phone and was already on with the 911 operator when he walked back up the driveway. He'd seen a body part in our driveway, and once I had my glasses on, I could see debris and carnage for blocks. There was a wheel and axle in our front yard and Dave told the operator that he couldn't tell if it was a car, an airplane, a spaceship. Twisted metal lay up and down the road, in yards. Pieces of trees all over mixed with the pieces of metal debris. And the main part of the victim was in our neighbor's front yard. The police arrived and covered up the pieces with sheets. At first, we couldn't tell if it was one car or several. We stood on the porch, watching the scene with awe and disbelief. It was like an episode of CSI was going on right in front of us. Eventually, we went back into the house and attempted to get more sleep. The police chief knocked on our door and told us that basically, our yard and driveway were part of the homicide investigation (a crime scene) and we couldn't go into the front yard or driveway or drive on it until they had cleared the area. The had blocked our road for about a 1/4 mile. At 8 am, the doorbell rang--Dave and I managed to get another couple of hours of sleep. It was the grievance counselor/psychologist from the police department. She wanted to talk to us about the traumatic experience. She told us to watch out for each other. The kids woke up and by then, the messiest parts (people parts) had been cleaned, but debris was everywhere. The electrical pole he hit was broken and a truck came to replace it. Zack watched and then watched them scrape up more debris. Street sweepers swept away the rest and then they came by and the firefighters noticed more small pieces by the mailbox. They placed them in a biohazard bag and took them away, followed by pouring bleach onto parts of the driveway. It was just an unbelievable experience. It still doesn't seem real. Perhaps if it all really did sink it, I might be way more disturbed.