Red Pencil Diaries

As everyone should know by now we are back in the hospital, this is day #5, and here is how the past five days have gone:

Day 1: We goto see the OBGYN and found out (after an expletive shouted by the doctor) that Kim''s membrane''s where showing thru the cerix about 1cm in width. We were then ushered to the hospital accross the street. Where she was placed in the Trendelenburg position, given mass amounts of potassium as her levels were at 2.3 (2.1 gives you a heart attack--3 to 5 is normal) Then the windstorm of the century blows thru Louisville and knocks out the power to the hospital at around 9:00pm, running on generator power there is limited lighting and no air conditioning. The staff tell us the power will be back on shortly. Eight hours later and being about 90 degrees in the room the power comes back on and the A/C nearly freezes us out. We also have been sent to the high risk perinatologist that is supposed to be the best here in the city. We could not see him before, as he was booked solid. This new emergency made things different and we are glad that he is our doctor, he is really nice and seems to know what he is doing, unlike the perinatologist that we were seeing. We were given the risks of doing the emergency surgery, and Kim was to stay upside down for 24-48 hours and then the procedure could continue. What they proposed was putting a ballon in the cevix, inflate and add a new cerclage. The chance would be that the membranes could break and we lose the baby. We are also given the talk about our baby could be born with tramatic handicaps if it is born in the 25-32 week stages. They give Kim an Ambien and she massively passes out. I mean to the point that when the alarm on her IV went off she kinda moved like she was drunk and cool not speak.

Day 2: Kim says, "Consider these four terms: Trendelenburg position, 100% bed rest, catheter, bedpan)

My translation of that is: stand on your head, strapped to a stiff board, with a tube up the pee hole, and crapping yourself with provided chemicals.

Day 3: (repeat of day 2) and we talked to the doctor and we agreed that going ahead with the rescue cerclage was what we wanted to do, and he also said that if he was in our position, he would choose the same option. Later that night we found out the surgey would be scheduled for Friday Morning (next day). Restless sleep night.

Day four: Scary day. The surgery would be sometime between 8 and 10:30 the doctor was handling emergency deliveries, so as soon as the operating room cleared they would take Kim back. You really would not believe the traffic here, its almost like people are muliplying or something. They came and got Kim at about 10 AM.

They put her on a board about the width of one ass cheek, four feet in the air with Kim on her side in the fetal position as they inserted the spinal block. It took effect pretty quick, rolled her on her back and put her back upside down, and put feet in sturrips. After giving her oxygen, and putting a tube up the nose, they started the procedure which only lasted about 15 minutes. She was awake but out of it.

SUCCESS!! Phase one.

I get the call that all went well, almost having a nervous breakdown leading up to that point. This is good second step (past the inital cerclage) and now begins some massive antibiotics. They were giving her pills, IV''s of some pretty heavy stuff to knock off any infection that might have crept into the membranes while they were exposed. As the doctor told us, if we can make it 4 weeks we might make it full term. Otherwise the baby is coming in the next couple of weeks. For the rest of the night Kim is sleepy and mega upset stomach vomitting for a couple of hours and finally settling down for the night.

Day 5: Sunny Day. The doctor meets with Kim, as I am home taking care of the pebby dog. She gets some good news, he does an abdominal ultrasound and doesn''t see any funneling, to prep and see if she came go home, she gets a few new privileges. Bathroom breaks, five minute shower, and can setup to 45 degrees to eat food (previously she was upside down and I had to spoon feed). Kim''s family sent some flowers and Holly and Dan stopped by to say hi. It has been a pretty good day.

Well. I am home from being in the hospital. I went in yesterday morning with contractions. After a day of being monitored and put on several medications, I was released today. So here I am, in bed, drugged up on Procardia and progesterone to help prevent contractions. And I''m scared. My doctor said it''s good that we got the contractions to stop. But she''s not convinced that they won''t come back. And I have only about 2 weeks and a few days until I reach 24 weeks (which is the youngest "viability" age for preemies). But I sooo want to make it futher along. I just take things an hour at a time. A day at a time. I pray, wish, and hope for the best. For a miracle.

I have done a lot of deep thinking lately, and I talked to Dave about things. I don''t think I''m going to ever try to get pregnant again after this one. I just don''t think I can go through all this again. I am hoping that I get far enought along and things go well this time. But it''s been one of the most difficult times in my life. And I think I am strong, but I don''t know if I can do it again. Maybe I''ll change my mind later. As I lay here in bed feeling my baby move inside my tummy, I can honestly say it''s amazing, but I''ve been living scared for so long now. My emotions are just always on edge and my body is too. I just can''t trust my body to work even close to normal--even with medical help.

I also know this has been nearly as hard on Dave as on me. He''s been amazing. And I love him for being so brave and wonderful. He''s the best.

So for the next few weeks, I''ll be here in bed, afraid to move, drinking tons of water and taking my meds. And hoping and praying every minute of the day. In case anyone wondered.

Ok. This Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals (http://www.berkeleypremiumnutraceuticals.com/) company needs to just stop it!!! First it was Enzyte. Then Avlimil. Then they added Suvaril, Dromias, and about 13 other stupid products to the market. They sell "natural supplements" that aren''t FDA approved. And their commercials all look alike. All the products have similar packaging. And the ads... they come across like all the other pharmaceutical companies, but if you read the fine print, you''ll see that these products are nothing but a bunch of herbs and other natural supplements. Not that I don''t think sometimes natural supplements don''t work, but the commercials are a bit misleading at best. I mean, they tout cures for everything from impotence to macular degeneration. And the macular degeneration pills show older people having trouble seeing, but then after taking these pills, they get behind the wheel again. Is that really safe??

I''ve found several complaint sites about the company, and the best one is about how the "money back guarantee" is only good if you order a 12 month supply and are disatisfied--only then will they refund your money.

Every channel I watch is just littered with commercial after commercial from this company. Make them stop!!! I hate all those drug commercials anyway. These are just 100 times worse. Who cares if the freaky chick "felt passion. PASSION" for the first time in years... do we have to hear about it 900 times a day on every channel??? lol

Ok. My rant is over.

Well. For months we''ve planned to get our living room and dining room finished and decorated so that we could have my family over for the 4th of July for a cookout. Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. And now, I''m on bedrest. So the living room isn''t quite finished. And there will be no cookout. *sigh*

I''m doing okay on bedrest so far. It''s quite frustrating, though. I even have to ask Dave to bring me beverages and clothing and I never know if we need groceries or if the laundry needs to be done. My mom and sister have come over a couple of times to clean and run errands for us. But sometimes I feel kind of helpless. I guess I am kind of helpless. But I am determined to stay here in bed. It''s only been 2 weeks, and I feel bad for already feeling down from the bedrest. But it''s a lot more difficult than I''d thought it would be...

So no fireworks for me. But maybe I can find some on TV to watch.