Red Pencil Diaries

It’’s amazingly humid and icky out. But I made myself go for a walk. I’‘ve only gone four nights this week, and I need to really kick up my exercise. This month, I’‘m hoping to really get things moving and build more muscle, lose more fat. I’‘ve been doing it slowly, but I need more results. I’‘ve changed a lot of my eating habits, but still slip now and then (like the pancakes today). But even after the sweaty walk, I feel better.

Dave is finishing putting in our new pedestal sink in our green bathroom. We’‘ve painted, cleaned, put in a new light and fan, took out the old sink and vanity and are putting in a new one. The tile is still 1950s green, but it’’s kinda cool and once I get the grout retouched to white (some of it is, just not all of it yet), I think the room will look so cool. Next on the list is finishing Dave’’s office so I can get my guest room back. I’‘ve also torn into the kitchen, but it won’‘t be finished for quite awhile. Too much to do in there.

Zack has taken to doing this weird new thing… he scrunches up his nose and shows his teeth and then breaths in and out real quick through his nose—almost a snort. It’’s really funny and he thinks so too. He always laughs after he does it. I was demonstrating the noise for my mom over the phone tonight, and she said I did the same exact thing when I was a baby. Very weird, I don’‘t remember doing it, nor do I remember her telling me about it. And I KNOW I didn’‘t teach Zack how to do it. So is something like this genetic??? Very very strange. But he’’s soooooo cute!

Is it Smokey the bear? Or smoky? I was kinda befuddled over the spellings when we vacationed in Gatlinburg, TN this past week. I guess I’‘d never realized it was spelled Smoky Mountains… I’‘d always assumed it was spelled with an “e” for some reason. Anyway… we rented a cabin in Gatlinburg—not up in the mountains, but on a nice steep hill in town behind a couple of hotels. It was nice… had two bedrooms and a jacuzzi tub in one of them, a hot tub on a screened in porch, a kitchen, a grill, and three tvs with cable and a DVD player. It was a bit challenging to vacation with a baby. He has his own schedule for sleeping and eating, so we had to try to stick to that as closely as possible or else he would throw a fit. Which he still managed to accomplish once or twice. We cooked a few meals on the grill, but did get to eat out a bit. And every night when Zack finally went to sleep, we hung out in the hot tub and drank a beer or two. It was good to get away from this money pit we call a house. Plus, we got to see the mountains, the new Ripley’’s Aquarium—which was so far the coolest aquarium we’‘ve visited, Ripley’’s Museum—which we got our money back from the tour b/c it wasn’‘t exactly baby stroller friendly and we didn’‘t get to complete the whole tour, and did some outlet shopping (bought some shorts for $5 and found several outfits for Zack at the Carter’’s store for $5 a piece), and overall ate way too much. I gained back a couple of pounds over the four day vacation. So this month I’‘m vowing to work extra hard to lose those pounds and more.
I’‘m also planning on getting a new tattoo for my birthday. Probably on my right shoulder. I’‘ve picked out a cool sun/moon crop circle design from the Pat Fish website. Not sure where I’‘m going to get it… I went to Tattoo Charlies last time, but have heard good things about Asgard Ink too.
Tonight I went to a jewelry party at Cara’’s. It was actually kind of cool. The jewelry wasn’‘t like expensive stuff, but it was nicely made stuff. I ordered a bracelet and ring and a slide for a necklace. I also got a cool scarf for free. For a brief moment, I fancied asking the representative about selling the jewelry. I thought… “Cool, I could work a day a week or so, get to stay home with Zack and get some cool free jewelry…” But then I started thinking of how you’‘d get business going and how I wouldn’‘t want to end up hitting up everyone I know to have parties… I’‘m not a great salesperson in that way. I think I can sell people things I like and believe in, but I can’‘t stand hounding people to set up their homes for me to present my wares. lol So… still considering a new part time (ish) career. For now, I’‘m just the stay at home mom, but I’‘m thinking it might help if I had some career that I enjoyed, I might feel a bit better about my life. I sometimes now feel a bit… stiffled. Careerwise, I sometimes think I need something more. I love taking care of Zack… I really do. But sometimes I think I’‘d like to be able to bring home some money and contribute. Maybe I’‘m being silly. Oh well.

I miss my college days. I know I’‘ve always been a sort of odd, introspective, keep most things to myself type person. But in college, I did have a few close friends. And now, here I am, nearly 34… and I have no close female friends. I have good friends. Old friends. But no one who knows me that well anymore. I’‘ve lost touch with so many people. Everyone has gotten busy and/or gotten their own life to deal with. But I miss having a close female friend. Someone to shop with, gossip to, tell my problems, give advice, get advice… I just don’‘t have anyone I feel that close to anymore. This past year of my life was very trying, but it seems no one understood or felt comfortable enough to step forward and be my friend as I went through it all. So now I’‘m deciding to find a new good woman friend. Someone to hang out with. Trade clothes with. But where do you find such people? I guess I need to get out more. But I have no time for that either. Oh well. Guess I should give up. Or maybe I’‘ll make time and take a class or something.

It’’s taking me forever to lose weight. It’’s so slow. I am seeing results though. But no one really seems to be able to notice other than me. And occasionally Dave. I have this denim summer dress. I wore it the first time I met Dave—back when I was kinda thin. I haven’‘t even been able to get it on for years. Recently, I tried it on and it was too tight to zip the top. And the bottom kinda rode up on my butt. Well, my goal was to be able to get into that dress by summer. Well… it’’s not even summer yet, and today… today I put that dress on. It’’s a bit tight-ish around the hips/tummy still. You could sort of see the outline of my panties on the sides. But I could possibly put it on and wear it in public without totally dying of embarrassment. So woooooohoooooo… I’‘ve almost met my goal. I’‘m so happy for that. I feel very different about myself. Better than I have since… well since the year I met Dave. I feel energized. I feel sexy. I know I’‘m not exactly thin (yet). But I’‘m working on it, and now… now I know I can do it.

Last night we went to the monday dinner at Bravo’’s. They had a 40 minute wait for a table inside, so I thought it might be better to sit outside b/c Zack was already getting hungry for dinner. We got an ok table (but had to move b/c of ants) and then the sun was in our faces and all over Zack. After I fed him, he got hot and sweaty and started to throw a fit. He turned very red, so I took him inside the women’’s restroom to try to calm him down. He started to kick and scream and pull my hair. He was turning so red from the anger. After several minutes, a woman came in and started to get on me about how red he was. She said he was sunburned badly and I should take him to a doctor. I was already flustered from all the fit throwing and then this woman hounding me… I ran out of the bathroom away from her and back to our table. Dave saw how shook up I was and he took Zack to sit in the air conditioned car. Which of course, helped tremendously and Zack calmed down and turned back to his peachy pink self. I got our food to go and we went home. I was still shook up and crying. I guess the frustration of the day and having him throw such a fit in public, and then this woman getting on me as if I were an unfit mother… just all got to me last night. Today, Zack is fine. And I feel somewhat better. But now I’‘m not sure how comfortable I am taking him out to dinner anymore.

Zack has also learned to turn the TV off and on with the button on the front. So now, watching tv during the day has become quite fun. Oh, and our yard sale from last weekend got rained out. So we’‘re going to have it this coming Saturday—June 18. If anyone is interested. Or if you have something you’‘d like to sell… bring it on over.

Zack turned 7 months old on Monday. Wow. He’’s all over the place. He has perfected the “pulling up to stand next to the couch/chair/table and then casually reaching down to the floor to catch himself as he sits” technique. And he can walk along the couch while holding on for dear life. He climbs things—mostly his walker and the stool in the living room. But he’’s been teething so bad this week that he won’‘t really eat anything from a spoon. He still takes bottles. And last night Dave got him to scarf down cereal. But this morning, back to the same fussing and screaming when I tried to feed him cereal. Oh well. Right now he’’s standing next to the couch trying desperately to reach this keyboard. So I shall go for now. Oh, and tomorrow (weather permitting) we are having a yard sale—if anyone’’s interested.