Red Pencil Diaries

Today I met Natalie at Mid City Mall. We went to the Nearly New Shop... I found some nice lizwear flex sole boots (brown) and some PJs for Zack. Natalie found some other black boots and a book for her daughter. We wandered over to Skyline Chili and had lunch. They had absolutely no highchairs, so Zack climbed all over the booth next to me while I tried to scarf down my food. He picked at his hot dog and crackers. Then he "made stinkies" in his diaper, so I took him to change him only to find that they also didn't have a changing station in the bathroom, so I changed him in the floor on a pile of toilet paper that I unrolled and put down for him to lay on. Not fun. We also went to Lucy's consignment across the street, which had no handicap entrance, so we had to heft the two strollers up the front steps. The kids got very cranky in that store, so we didn't stay long. So we did have a day out. It just gets difficult to call it a decent time out when you have to deal with so much inconvenience and fussing. The kids, get tired. I realize that. But having to lug strollers up stairs (we had to do the same thing up and down stairs in the Nearly New Shop to get to their housewares section--no ramps open for us even though there are ramps in store for them to roll their carts of merchandise. Not very "user friendly" if you ask me), and dealing with unfriendly diaper changing facilities makes for a kind of difficult outing.

Overall, not a bad day. Just a challenging one. I'll give it a C+. The company was good though. So maybe a B-. Now if I could just get Zack to take a nap...

For Christmas, Dave bought me the Black & Decker Home Cafe system (aka, the pod coffee maker). I have always like coffee and used to drink it when I worked. But being at home and the lone coffee drinker, I was never moved enough to get out the coffee maker, pour in a huge pot of water (I'd never drink more than a cup) and dig out the filters, the coffee, etc. But now... wow. I keep the reservoir full of water, I pop in a pod of whatever type of coffee (or tea!) that I want to make. I even have pods for skinny vanilla lattes (and they come out frothy!). It's easier to keep clean (no big pot to scrub) and I can make a cup at a time in just seconds. Maybe I'm sounding like a commercial (I think I do that when I rant on here about something I am excited about), but it's a great invention. They even have adapters now so you can put small filters in and use regular coffee (you scoop it in--for those who prefer to grind your own or buy a specific brand that doesn't come in pods). I'm a very happy, semi-regular coffee drinker now. Yummmmmmm

Isabel Star was born to our friends Webhamster and Webhamstress (see link to Cletus the Fetus) on Thursday, January 19. She's just beautiful. We can't wait to see her in person. Wow... another geek baby. Yay... Zack is no longer the lone "newbie" in the geek clan.

Today I've been doing tons of laundry. 4 loads so far. Dave is going to Toronto tomorrow, so I needed to be sure he has clean clothes. I sort of put off most of the laundry during the long weekend. So today there was quite a pile of the stuff.

Zack is napping at the moment. I'm kind of bored. There is nothing on TV during the day except for those shows on home improvement (which I'm sick of) and cooking (which just makes me want to eat, and since I'm trying not to, it's a bit of a problem). I absolutely hate soaps. So here I am.

The weather lately has been weird to say the least. It's been unseasonably warm, with little bursts of cold thrown in just to help us get sick and stay sick. Last night I felt a bit congested and had a slight cough. I woke up this morning very congested and coughing. Dave is finally over it, and now I'm getting it back again. Ugh. I'm feeling better now. But still some ick draining down my throat (sorry, TMI).

Dave and I stayed in last night and had a family night (aren't all nights really family nights, though?). He did his homework. We fixed dinner. Ate. Watched the Golden Globes. He worked on his computer for awhile. Then we watched the Daily Show and went to bed. Oh, and the work party we attended on Saturday went ok. The food was great (catered by Jarfi's bistro) and as I predicted, only one person came dressed in rennaisance costume--and she was one of the party planners. We had some drinks. Did some dancing. We lost our truck in the parking garage--don't ask. My feet are just now recovering from wearing the "cute but new and not broken in" heels. Overall, we had fun, though. Dave looked really really nice in his new purple shirt and purple striped tie.

Not much else to report. Just thought I'd jot down a few words and then get back to my laundry.

Today, Natalie and I went to the Unique Thrift Store. We were bored and wanted to get out of the house with the kids. We didn't need anything in particular, but we were set for a day of bargains. We found shoes, name brand clothes, housewares, purses. I even got a vintage suede pea coat style coat for $9.95. I also found Zack some jammies. And our best deals were on purses. I got a leather Kenneth Cole bag for $2.95 and a faux Kate Spade backpack (still had a tag on it--and the faux Kate Spade logo was stitched on, so it looked pretty good) for $3.95. Natalie found a Vera Bradley make up bag for $3 (it still had the real tags on it!) and another Vera Bradley style tote bag. We had fun going through the aisles of stuff and digging around. We were there for over 2 hours. But hey, we got some great deals! We also saw a Peg Perego stroller for $19.95. We both debated buying it, but neither of us did. Those things cost over $200 new! And this one was in great shape. Oh well, you can't buy it all.

Tonight I colored my roots. They were a reddish tone with grey before. Now they are dark brown. I still have black ends on my hair. But oh well. It's not as noticeable unless I'm in the sun.  We have Dave's company party tomorrow night. I have my outfit ready, but I am not sure about it. I think the blouse makes me look... a bit older than I am. Not that it's really frumpy. It's kind of pretty. I loved it when I tried it on with jeans. I just think that with the skirt and shoes I've got, I just don't know. Dave says I look great. I put it on and it's all black and I feel like an older goth woman. lol I'll try to take pics. I'm sure it's just my imagination.

Thanks folks, for the comments and suggestions. Yes, I have looked into some babysitting agencies. One didn't have any sitters in our area. But I think they only dealt with southern Indiana. I think we need to find one soon that we trust because it's been months since Dave and I went out alone. We're having my mom watch Zack on Saturday night to go to Dave's company party. But it's really difficult anymore for us to just get time together. People keep saying "make time. Find a sitter." But that isn't as easy as it sounds. With all the stories you hear on TV and from friends, you just don't know who to trust anymore unless it is a close friend or family member.

Also, Dave is going back to school. So he'll need study time, plus he's in class two nights a week. I think it's going to be stressful for us both. We should probably try to schedule some regular time together. I guess we'll see. I mean, we haven't even been to the movies together since June 2004. Sad, isn't it?

I can think of no other word to describe my feelings. I'm not complaining about others really, but about how I don't know what else to do... so bear with me as I just release my frustrations...

Last night, we went to a friend's birthday dinner at a hibachi grill. Zack was with us, and we knew he wouldn't stay "entertained" for more than an hour, hour and a half tops. The invite said 6:30 pm, but Zack was napping until 6:15. We weren't worried about being just a bit late--we hoped the extra time would allow everyone to get there and be ready to eat so there would be less downtime with the baby. But of course, dinner didn't get underway until everyone arrived at around 7:15. By then Zack was finished with his food and wanted out of his highchair. So I had to eat quickly (with one hand) with a fidgety fussy baby in my lap. It's not really bad. I mean, normally, I would be fine with dinner starting late--in fact, I would expect it with a large crowd. And the actual dinner was over at around 9:15 pm which also is fine with me. But with Zack, a 3-hour dinner is just way too long to sit through.

After dinner, we headed to our friend's house--Dave and I already tired from wrangling Zack and saying "No, no no no noooooo" way too many times. We were also really leary of taking him to someone else's house because again, it's not anyone's fault, but a lot of people don't realize just how exhaustive it can be to keep a very curious toddler out of other's people's stuff. Our house is very well baby-proofed. But the normal person (read: person without kids) has books on tables, items on shelves, pet food in the open, open doors, stairs, drawers without latches, toilets with the lids up, and other such temptations that Zack just cannot overlook. Not to mention, once he's past his bedtime, every small issue becomes a huge crying fit. Dave and I both wanted to stay and visit. As it is, we rarely get to talk to our friends anymore. But we knew Zack's crying was getting on everyone else's nerves as much as our own. And we were both just about to fall over we were so tired. So after one last apology (I really am sorry he dumped over the cat's water... really!) and a rushed "cutting of the cake" (you really didn't have to rush through that for us, we feel really bad that we couldn't stay longer) we said our goodbyes and carried our tired little prince to the car.

So what are we to do? Dave and I don't want to have to just keep missing events with our friends. We try to go when we can and when we think Zack will be ok. But we truly miss out on a lot. And it seems the more we miss, the more frequently we are dismissed when other plans are made. We both realize that we kind of made that choice when we decided to have kids. But it's really difficult when none of your friends have kids and you are the only ones who do. It's like, most people end up having kids around the same time their friends do, so you have someone to commisurate with and can get together and share stories and let the kids play. But we don't have many friends who do have kids. So we end up feeling frustrated and left out a lot. There's no one to blame. And nothing really that can be done--until we find a decent sitter who lives close and/or Zack gets old enough to just be good and not get into things so much. *sigh*  I just had to get that off my chest. I feel bad when other people have to accomodate us, but I also just wish there was a way we could hang out with our friends more.

None of those things are related. I just wanted to comment on all three.

There is some horrid virus going around. I thought we had it already back in November, but it caught up with us again with a vengeance. Dave and Zack and I have all had the sniffles, chills, fever, and the icky cough that won't go away. I feel much better, but last night even after taking Nyquil, I woke myself up coughing. I don't cough as much during the day, but at night I do. So to say the least, I am tired today. Which is sad, because the sun is out and it's warm and I want to get out and wander around some. Maybe Zack and I will go out for just a bit.

Last night Dave and I played chess. We don't usually play games, and I had been the one to suggest trying to play. He got this chess set from his mom for Christmas. So he had to teach me once again all the moves and stuff and of course I kept forgetting them and in my PMS logic, I felt that I was trapped and had no more moves and we quit the game with Dave insisting that it was never over. *sigh* I don't really like chess so far. But maybe with more practice I won't feel quite so stupid and intimidated by it. It's not that it's entirely that difficult, but knowing that Dave has played it for years (I just never had interested until now) and I'm sitting there not able to remember how the knight always moves in that "L" shape makes me feel a bit... well... stupid. Or maybe not so stupid as just ignorant.

Dave's company is having their "end of year event" in two weeks. The theme is "renaissance" and they ask that we dress semi-formal or in renaissance costume. Ermmm... uh... yeah. So now I need to find a semi-formal dress. I need to go shopping. But it's such a hassle. I can't go out with Zack because it would be impossible to try anything on with him with me. Maybe I'll go out one evening this week. Or I guess there's always the weekend. :&

Dave was sick last night, so we just sat around and watched TV. We had planned to have champagne and brie and crackers... but we didn't. Maybe some other time, I guess.

I haven't completely thought out my resolutions yet, but my main goal is to lose 30 more pounds. I give myself one whole year to do it. I'm taking this a year at a time. Last year, I lost about 40 lbs. total, so going slow and keeping up my somewhat better eating habits while increasing my exercise at the Y should help me do it. I'm trying not to beat myself up too bad about my slight gain of 5 lbs. over the holidays. But we've been sick 3 times since Thanksgiving, and Zack has too, so it's not exactly been easy to get to the Y regularly. Excuses, excuses.

In a couple of weeks, Dave's company is having their "end of year event" (most companies have a big holiday party, but not this one... they wait until January. Go figure!). I have no idea what to wear. I need to go shopping. I have no real reason to get dressed up anymore, so I don't really own any dresses that fit anymore. But I've also kind of lost touch with what is in style and it's been awhile since I've tried on things that fit. I guess I need to go shopping and try some stuff on and see what looks good.

It's always kind of weird going to these things. I generally don't fit in with the other wives. I feel sort of self conscious around the higher ups. I don't spend hundreds of dollars at the salon and I don't get manicures anymore. I also can't see any of those women having tattoos either. The last time we were out with work people, one of the wives asked my about my pregnancy, and I tried to explain the whole "5 months of bedrest" thing, but they all got this look on their faces like I'm a freak, and the conversation dropped and they went on to talk to someone else and I sat quietly. I guess next time, I know just not to talk about it. I'm also not very good at starting conversations. The usual "do you have kids?" and "do you work?" usually just doesn't go anywhere much. I just don't have as much in common. I like thrift shopping, beading, playing with Zack, reading, and surfing around online. I'm a nerd at heart. And I'm not a conservative. I am not religious. I didn't vote for Bush. And I don't own a Coach or Louis Vuitton bag. I'd rather buy Zack 3 outfits from Target than one from Gymboree and I like consignment stores. I don't fit in.

I am trying, though. I've started really enjoing lattes from Starbucks and I do love buying my cosmetics from Sephora. I guess that's a start.