Red Pencil Diaries

I was Stumbling around the Internet and I came across this site where some girl posts her own neuroses. I started thinking... yeah, I have some strange ones of my own. Like...
* I rinse out the glasses I get out of my cabinet for my own drinks--but not for others. It's not that I don't think it's clean, it's just a weird thing I have to do.
* When I walk out near the mailbox on my busy street, I often think that someone is going to run off the road at that moment and so I retrieve my mail quickly and fast walk back to about mid-way up the yard. I figure that is far enough that someone most likely won't hit me.
* I organize my clothes in my closet by color. My mom organized my closet for me that way once, and it's stuck with me since. It's also easier to find things because I just have to search through the right color area. But I'm never quite sure if the purply/pink shirts go with the red area or the blue.

I'm sure I can come up with more things. I know I have more issues than this. It's just late and I'm tired and I haven't exactly had a nice day. Goodnight yall.

On Christmas eve, my inlaws came to visit. They brought some ham and we had a big lunch. The kids got tons of presents and Dave and I scored a few things, too (although, we will be returning the Kinoki Detox Foot Pads and the Adidas Deep Energy cologne set for something more "us"). I got some very funky and bright colored kitchen towels, which I actually love, and a sparkly nightlight (which I also find kinda cool), and Dave and I each got a cool new water bottle for the gym. Not big gifts, but we loved them all the same. I was specifically touched when my mother-in-law offered to come up and spend the week with us if I got a job and we needed a sitter. I wouldn't want her to live with us, but it was great for her to offer that to us.

The kids got into Christmas in a big way. Wrapping paper was flying and they loved everything they opened. Puzzles, cars, bowling sets, baby dolls, candy. Later that night, we put out the Christmas cookies on the plate I'd decorated years ago at the Paint Spot--it's now our Christmas tradition to set Santa's cookies on that plate. Then the kids actually went to bed without complaint to wait for Santa. Dave and I were up late that night putting together toys. We were exhausted, but in the morning, the kids woke up and they were soooooo excited. The loved Spike the Dinosaur (Zack was scared of him at first, but is coming around) and the kitchen set. And Dave loved his new hard drive I got him along with his new polarized sunglasses. I was ecstatic to learn that Dave months ago had bought me (and him) tickets to see "Wicked" in January. It was the best present ever, and not one that I was expecting after the lay off.

Later, my family came over and we had a giant feast of italian food--manicotti, lasagna, ziti, bread, bruschetta, and even tiramisu! We stuffed ourselves and layed around the family room while the kids opened gifts--we decided against drawing names among the adults this year because everyone was hurting financially. Nieces and nephews aged 18 months up to 15 years were all around, ipods playing, remote control cards whizzing by, American Girl dolls in their finery being put to bed, play dough on the floor. It was a festive night and we had a ball. I think most everyone forgot their problems for just a bit while listening to the joy of the kids around us.

My head was still buzzing from the Christmas celebration when everyone left and Lola went to bed. Dave, Zack and I settled into watching WALLe and then Zack went to bed. Dave and I then watched the most recent Mummy movie and then schlepped off to bed, totally exhausted. Today has been a mix of relief, exhaustion, and stress. Now we're past the excitement of the holidays, and it's back to the worry and stress over whether we will find jobs to pay our bills. A brief respite from the panic was welcome. I just wish it could have lasted longer.

We took the kids to Bass Pro Shops last week to see Santa. He was a real looking Santa--real beard and all. Lola screamed and wouldn't sit in his lap. Zack was great, and sat in his lap and told him what he wanted for Christmas and everything. Well, apparently one visit to Santa wasn't enough. Zack wanted to see Santa again.

Yesterday at the Y, his preschool class had "breakfast with Santa." A rather unfortunate front-dest clerk came in dressed as Santa--his fake beard a bit askew. After sitting in his lap and having his picture made, Zack informed Daddy that "That wasn't the REAL Santa!" And seemed a bit huffy that they'd tried to fake him out.

Forward to last night... Dave and I had to go to Mall St. Matthews to return a few things. We told the kids where we were going and Zack insisted on putting on a sweater. He's not usually too concerned with his clothing, so I was a bit perplexed, but went along with it and put on a nice sweater with his jeans. When we got to the mall, Zack begged and begged to go see Santa! We figure once he heard we were going to the mall, he KNEW the REAL Santa would be there, and remembered that he had to dress up to see Santa last time, so he put on the sweater. We never told him there would be a Santa at the mall--but he's 4, and I'm sure he KNOWS that there is always a Santa at the mall. Just pretty funny that he thought enough to get "dressed up" for him. Oh, and yes, we let him sit in Santa's lap. He asked Santa for Spike the Dinosaur and Santa assured him that he would get one. Thank goodness I bought one online last month. Those things are sold out all over town!

Well, today Dave was laid off from his job at GE. I know he's been upset all day, and on top of all that, he had to go to school tonight and take two finals for the end of this semester. He was stressed. And I am too.

I've been looking for a job for a few months now. I've applied for several, had a call back on one, but someone else was hired. Not many people seem interested in hiring a woman who has two small kids and hasn't worked in nearly 5 years.

I feel really frustrated. I'm a very independent person and I've always felt some guilt over spending Dave's hard-earned money on myself. I feel like I don't contribute to our bank account, and that makes me feel rather helpless. I know that I am being silly, but I can't shake the feeling. So that, coupled with rumors of upcoming layoffs and a very shaky economy spurred me to look for a job. But that same shaky economy hasn't left too many openings for someone like me.

I don't know what will happen in the future for us. I hope Dave finds work soon. It's a scary, scary time right now. And we're just a couple of weeks away from Christmas. I've already canceled my tattoo appointment and my lasik surgery appointment I'd made for January. I'm thinking I'm canceling any thoughts of presents for Christmas for myself. I'd much rather spend it all on the kids and family anyway.

I was just starting to get into the holiday spirit this week. Somehow, I doubt I'll be feeling jolly at all this year. Kinda sucks. bah humbug.

I have an appointment Saturday to finally get my "family" tattoo on my thigh updated. Lola is 18 months old and I am just now getting the star added for her. I'm a slacker. I am also getting a new tattoo. Back in July, Dave offered to pay for part of my tattoo as my birthday present. I decided on a design back in early August, but didn't have the time to get it done. I saved up some money and though I don't have much free-time still, I am now finally going to get it done. It will take nearly 4 hours, but it will be gorgeous. Stunning. I will post pics once it's healed. Yay!

Zack was running around with the Dustbuster "pretending to clean." Dave took it away from him and explained that we don't "pretend with real things." Zack kept yelling that he wanted it back. Dave wouldn't let him have it. Zack kept getting louder and finally Dave raised his voice and said, "NO!" Zack put his hands over his ears and yelled "I NEED SOME PEACE AND QUIET HERE. SOME PEACE AND QUIET HERE, PLEASE."

Hmm. I wonder where he's heard that? I don't think I've ever used those words, nor have I been so dramatic as to put my hands over my ears. But yeah... I think I *have* asked for some peace and quiet. Probably too many times.