Red Pencil Diaries

Ok, I know it's been forever. Sorry. I was working two jobs from home, stressed, taking care of the kiddos, and preparing for the holidays. But I am back. I suppose most of the time I was working was when I was writing for other people, so that sort of burned me out on writing for myself.

Anyway... I thought I would post a bit about life. Things are going pretty well. My temporary job writing for Santasornamentshop.com is over. I wrote about hundreds of Christmas ornaments from September until the second week in December. I also wrote a few Christmas-themed blogs for them. I nearly burned out on Christmas itself!

But leave it to the kids to help me embrace Christmas. They have lists, oh my. Bakugan, Strawberry Shortcake, Zhu Zhu Pets. I spent several hours on two separate occasions waiting in the cold outside ToysRUs to purchase a Zhu Zhu Pet hamster. I finally have two--one for each of them, so no fighting. We've also been to see Santa twice this year. So cute that Lola will finally sit in Santa's lap. She's become quite curious about him, but still won't sit and smile for the camera. She did blurt out to him that she wants a "trawberry chortcake" for Christmas (yes, this is her pronunciation).

I haven't had much time to decide on what I want for Christmas, though. So I decided to sit and make a bit of a list. Yes... it's materialistic. Of course, I want world peace, great health and decent wages for my family, and a load of wonderful close friends to keep me company. Or I would settle for:

1. Tiffany Key Necklace

2. Cute, yet comfortable shoes.

3. A cute cardigan.

4. Some sweet smelling stuff.

5. A warm, colorful scarf.

6. Betseyville shoes (for spring or summer!)

7. More Betseyville!

Early this morning, Dave and I were awakened by our house shaking. We jumped up, thinking something had exploded or hit our house. We looked out the windows and all I could see (without my glasses on) were tree limbs in the road. I thought "could it be a bad storm?" But Dave barreled out the front door. He had the phone and was already on with the 911 operator when he walked back up the driveway. He'd seen a body part in our driveway, and once I had my glasses on, I could see debris and carnage for blocks. There was a wheel and axle in our front yard and Dave told the operator that he couldn't tell if it was a car, an airplane, a spaceship. Twisted metal lay up and down the road, in yards. Pieces of trees all over mixed with the pieces of metal debris. And the main part of the victim was in our neighbor's front yard. The police arrived and covered up the pieces with sheets. At first, we couldn't tell if it was one car or several. We stood on the porch, watching the scene with awe and disbelief. It was like an episode of CSI was going on right in front of us. Eventually, we went back into the house and attempted to get more sleep. The police chief knocked on our door and told us that basically, our yard and driveway were part of the homicide investigation (a crime scene) and we couldn't go into the front yard or driveway or drive on it until they had cleared the area. The had blocked our road for about a 1/4 mile. At 8 am, the doorbell rang--Dave and I managed to get another couple of hours of sleep. It was the grievance counselor/psychologist from the police department. She wanted to talk to us about the traumatic experience. She told us to watch out for each other. The kids woke up and by then, the messiest parts (people parts) had been cleaned, but debris was everywhere. The electrical pole he hit was broken and a truck came to replace it. Zack watched and then watched them scrape up more debris. Street sweepers swept away the rest and then they came by and the firefighters noticed more small pieces by the mailbox. They placed them in a biohazard bag and took them away, followed by pouring bleach onto parts of the driveway. It was just an unbelievable experience. It still doesn't seem real. Perhaps if it all really did sink it, I might be way more disturbed.

Awhile back, I read another mom's blog about the crazy things she says each day. Here are a few lines of my own mom lingo from this week...

* Lola, I can talk to Daddy if I want to.
* We don't eat money.
* Where does poop go?
* Yes, Zack, if you tell on someone repeatedly for something that didn't hurt you, that's tattling!
* But you just said you wanted to wear those shoes!
* You can't wear shoes to bed.
* Pick up every single toy from the stairs!
* Remember to flush!
* Why is the refrigerator door open again?
* Who left YoGos in my bed?
* I hope that's just pudding.

I know that for me to truly feel happy and respected and successful, I need more than what I am doing now. I love my children. I adore them. I work hard to make our home nice and keep everything in order for us as a family. But for me, I need more. I recognized that awhile ago. So why can't I figure out what to do about it?

I've tried finding a job. Having a place to go where I do work and feel accomplished and respected would probably do wonders for me. Although, I know there is also a lot of stress involved, I do miss going to work. But I cannot find a job. Much less a rewarding career.

I read an article today that the average salary in the U.S. is $32,000. The jobs they posted in that range all required a high school diploma or GED and some training. Not one of them required a degree. I have a degree, training, and years of experience. So why can't I find a job that pays even that much? It's amazingly frustrating. More than one year searching, applying, and interviewing. I've had offers. They just don't pay enough for me to even cover child care costs.

Some people say the recession is baloney. That 10% unemployment means nothing because 90% of the people are still working. But seriously.... what about those of us who want to work but can't find a job? Or those like Dave who have a job, but are making tons less than they used to before a layoff? I just wish the recession would end. Maybe then it won't be so hard to find that rewarding career that I so long for. And maybe we will also be able to afford to finally finish this house and buy a new family-sized car. Here's to hoping!

Ok, all you mommas. The KidStuff Consignment sale in New Albany begins on Friday. Come by Friday or Saturday and buy excellent used (and sometimes new) clothing, toys, furniture, accessories, and housewares. I'm always finding incredible deals there. Plus, I'm selling a lot of my kids' stuff. It's on Grant Line Road in New Albany. Check it out.

I've fallen off of the exercise wagon. I started back on the treadmill last week and was doing well, but then I got this icky cold thing and now I have slacked off again. I feel like every time I make some progress, I get some illness and fall behind again. I'm attempting to rededicate myself to working out! You read it here. Now help me stick to it!

I've fallen in love with my husband thousands of times. This time, it's because I miss him. I've sat for days, feeling sorry for myself because he's been away for work for over a week. But then I finally sat and thought today that he's missing us, too. He didn't ask to be sent away for work. And he's working hard and away from home. Part of me wishes that I had a job that would take me away sometimes. Probably because I'm the one who is always home. But Dave is working hard to provide for us. And that makes me proud. And it makes me love him more. I can't wait for him to get home on Saturday. I can't wait to hug him. Hold him. Be with him. I love him.

Dave left for Oregon at 2 pm. Or at least, that's when I dropped him at the airport. And that's when it started for me. He'll be gone 11 days. That's the longest we've ever been apart. I miss him. I know it's part of his job. And I'm trying to keep my chin up. My job is here, with the kids. But when he's away, I worry about him. I don't sleep well. The kids miss him and don't sleep well. I just can't wait to have him back home. He's my best friend. He's my husband. And I love him.

Saturday night. The kids are in bed. Dave is on a camping trip. It's too quiet in here. I could go to bed, but I'm not tired. And I miss Dave. I didn't sleep well last night--I usually don't when he's not home. I did some jogging/walking on the treadmill today. I am really trying to get back into that frame of mind. Gotta get myself back into the healthier mindset. I've totally fallen off the wagon the past few months. Not much else is new. Tomorrow is Dave's and my brother's birthdays. I'm going to make a strawberry cake for them and we'll have the family dinner. I can't wait! I just want him back home. I'm such a dork... but he's my hun, my best friend. I can't help it that I miss him!

On Monday, Dave and I went to this local business called The Treadmill Medic to see the used treadmills they had advertised on Craigslist. We ended up buying a huge, commercial grade one that they had refurbished after buying from a local gym. The thing should last us quite awhile. We had shopped recently at Sears and then at Play It Again Sports, but were quite disappointed in the size and quality of what we could afford. Today, I drove the truck over and Dave met us there and we loaded it onto the truck. But he had to go back to work. And it's raining. So it's covered in a tarp in the back of the truck in the rain. I can't wait to get it into the house and try it out again--I did use it once at the place where we bought it. I really need to get back on the ball and exercise again. We've walked around the neighborhood some, but pushing a stroller and watching the kids while you walk doesn't afford you much of a decent workout.

I've been feeling quite icky for the past few days--feeling very lazy and tired for a few weeks. I'm hoping it's just allergies since I feel a lot better today and seem to have a lot of my energy back. I think perhaps the rain has knocked the pollen down a bit and maybe that is helping me.

Next week is my birthday. I actually love birthdays. I believe everyone should always have cake on their birthday. And it doesn't seem to bother me much that I am turning 38.