Red Pencil Diaries

Our power went out at around 3 am last night/this morning. I was glad I'd remembered to dress the kiddos in their fleece footed pajamas. They were nice and warm under their covers. So we just stayed in bed. At 8 am, the kids got me up for breakfast. No, no cinnamon raisin toast. Yes, we can have PopTarts--but not hot ones. So that's what we ate. "Raw" PopTarts. And a glass of milk. I was cold, so I put on my jeans, a shirt, and a nice hooded chenille sweater. When Dave got up, we lit a fire in the downstairs fireplace and spent most of the day in the bar room in front of it... reading and just staying warm. The kids played blocks and looked at books. We kept our milk and other refrigerated goods in a plastic box on the deck. It wasn't a bad day. We were just worried. And we started talking about trying to find a generator. We'd had the discussion back in September when the wind storm came through, but dismissed it as a freak thing. Now, we think having a small one might be a good idea. So someday in the "near" future, we'll be shopping for a generator. I'm sure many other people are thinking of doing the same thing.

When I eat chips--doritos, cheetos, lay's potato chips--I always eat the broken pieces first and save the whole ones to be eaten one at a time. I'm so weird.

I've been slightly sick. Well, I thought I was pretty sick on Friday, so I went to the little clinic place at Walgreens. I was diagnosed with acute sinusitis and given some Flonase and antibiotics. I felt somewhat better Saturday during the day. I actually got a lot done around the house that day. We went to my sister's birthday dinner, and on the way home, I started feeling tired and just worn down. My nose got stuffier. Sunday I woke up feeling ok-ish. Still very congested, but not too bad. Sunday night... I was miserable. Sinus headache. My head was full. My voice was hoarse. I took my meds and a tiny bit of Nyquil and went to bed. Half way through the night, I was lethargic, but awake. My nose was totally swollen shut. I had been breathing through my mouth. My tongue was pasty tasting. I had no energy to rise from the bed, yet, I couldn't sleep. The clock ticked. The hours went by minute by minute. We finally got up when the kids got up. I took a very long, hot shower. That, coupled with some sudafed helped my nose clear up slightly. I have dozed off today more times than I can count. I feel like I should be up doing something productive (that is the "mom" in me), but instead I'm lying around watching HGTV, Foodnetwork, and reruns of CSI Miami. Oh, and Cold Case Files. I'm addicted to crime shows. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up feeling wonderful. It's supposed to snow, but I don't want it to. Back in November, Dave had bought me tickets to see "Wicked" and the show is tomorrow night. It was my Christmas present. And dammit, I'm going and I'm going to enjoy it. Hopefully, tonight I will sleep. And breathe.

I read this and it nearly made me cry. I've spent years trying to find that friend again. Never quite find one that fits. I get close, then they move or lose interest or turn out to be crazy. I love my husband and he is my best friend, but sometimes you just need that friend. The one you're not married to.

I've been in the family room for a couple of hours now with the kids. I've had CNN.com on my laptop and CNN on the TV showing coverage of the inauguration. I was explaining to Zack how this is a very important day. I showed him who the "presidents" were and explained what the Washington Monument was when it was shown. He built a replica of the monument out of his mega blocks. Then he disappeared upstairs. I was playing play-doh with Lola and assumed that Zack was retrieving a toy or going to the potty. I finally yelled for him to come downstairs. He walked into the family room carrying three bowls stacked together with spoons in each bowl. He said he made us all a "special special soup!" I was almost scared to look into the bowls, even though I knew I'd have to try whatever it was. (He says that someday he wants to be a chef or a spaceman or maybe a chef spaceman.) I looked into the bowls and was relieved to see that it was merely broken up cereal straws and fruit gummies. We all sat down and ate our treats and watched some of the inauguration coverage. I'm quite sure he doesn't realize what the inauguration is, but it was so sweet of him to make us a special dish. My son is the sweetest child!

Made cinnamon raisin toast for breakfast AGAIN because Zack loves it. Drove Zack to preschool and then drove myself to the planetarium while he road the bus with his class. Had a wonderful time sitting with Zack in the dark staring at the planets and the brief laser light show. Met Dave in front of Hardees to switch cars and take the kids home while he went to meet a friend for lunch to discuss a job. Let the kids have quesadillas again. Got chilled and wrapped myself in blankets for an hour. Then jumped up and put on my coat and ran out in the cold to take Pebbles to the vet--which ended up costing me nearly $200 that I don't have, but she needed to go, so I had to pay it. Kinda sorta got turned down for another interview, but the recruiter is trying to work her magic to get me in anyway. Made macaroni and cheese and peas and hot dogs for dinner. Played spaceships and blocks with the kids. Picked up toys at least 5 times. Did two loads of laundry--one load just so the kids could wear their fleece footed pajamas to bed. Reminded the kids to share at least 40 times. Watched too many cartoons. Wished I had a glass of wine. Thought about opening a bottle of wine. Am seriously considering doing so. Let Dave go out with the guys for a beer--even though I know it'll turn into a much later night than he says it will and even though I know we can't really afford it. Cried because I'm stressed, down, hormonal, tired, and in need of a vacation. Said no to Sprayza and Dotza coloring sets, to Bendarooz, to Snuggie wearable blankets, and too many other items seen in commercials. The night's not over yet. I'm sure I will have more to add, but for now, that's enough.

I just need someone to pick me up and tell me that it's all going to be ok. To share some fun and make me forget the crap that's going on right now. I wish things were back to normal so I could be more of an adult and less of a scared child who is unsure of so many things.

For that matter, do you really KNOW anyone? Yesterday was a very surreal day. I copied that description from my friend Beth's Facebook page. I had met a new friend, got a nice Mary Kay makeover (and yes, I do now like Mary Kay), and was preparing to go meet the recruiter about this new job I'm interviewing for... then Dave calls to tell me that Beth had sent him a link to a news article. It seems that a guy that I worked with at TechRepublic (worked with him for 5 years and was his editor for a good 3) had been arrested for child molestation! How do you react to that? How do you feel? It was just this odd smack in the face.

He was a rather odd, quirky guy. Quite nerdy, but he'd been an employee from the Cobb Group and other large places in town. He was married, had a daughter and I remember how he used to tell stories about her all the time. And it used to bug me how he would play his music too loud--sometimes he would blare the Weather Girls "It's Raining Men" and I thought that was very odd indeed. He was sort of scraggly looking--always had this beard that was just not trimmed and his hair always was just a bit too long--not long hair, but looked like he always needed a haircut even when he claimed to have just gotten one. And his glasses weren't trendy--metal wire rims that were a bit too big for his face. And he was short--very short.

Other than that, I had no clue what lurked beneath. I suppose I really only saw what he projected to us and my dealings with him were purely technical editing and a few times when he would get upset over changes I'd make to an article, I did see him get quite angry. But more throwing a temper tantrum than true anger.

So I never thought of him as someone dangerous. Someone who would hurt others. Much less children.

And now, I begin to wonder about the rest of the world I deal with. Whom else don't I really know? What else is lurking behind the eyes of the people I think I know?

I don't want to start feeling suspicious. And Beth reminded us to all just keep trying to see the good in people unless they give us reason to think otherwise. I suppose that's all we can do. And hope that the world isn't as sick and awful as the dark sides of people that we only sometimes get a glimpse of.

Zack got this art set for Christmas from Dave's mom. He loves drawing and creating. So this stuff is right up his alley. But Lola wants to do everything that Zack does. So last week when he wanted to make a birthday card for our friend Mark's birthday, I allowed him to use the glue and glitter while SUPERVISED. I was the dummy who put the open glitter packets back into the art box. And later, Lola got into them and dumped glitter all over the table and floor. Thank goodness for my dust buster. Fast forward to today... Dave is at a seminar all day and Zack wants to make Daddy a card. So I say sure. I'm sitting just a few feet away and then I noticed the glitter. He finally asks if he can use it and I say "sure." I'm sitting just a few feet away and didn't really notice that Lola had climbed up next to him to "help." Well... they were both covered in glitter. Hands, feet, lips! Yes, LIPS! I had to sit them both on the counter and wash the glitter from their limbs and appendages. Then scrub their faces. I still have not tackled the glitter all over the table and chairs and floor in the basement. The dust buster is all the way upstairs and I am so lazy. I'm glad they had fun, though. Sometimes kids just have to make a mess.

Things have been up and down lately. It's difficult to stay positive when you're worried about money and your whole daily schedule has been thrown off. Having Dave home every day is nice and yet, I think sometimes we spend too much time together. Not to mention, we get cabin fever from just being in the house all the time. Dave has been going to these seminars at Right Management (paid for by GE) to network, get resume help, learn interviewing skills, find job leads, etc. He passed on some info to me and I totally reworked my resume. Dave also met with a couple of recruiters and one of them has a writing job that I am interested in. I'm hoping things go well. The job sounds great, but it's a long drive to Ft. Knox. For now, I'm not trying to get too attached to the idea. But I am hopeful that things go well. We shall see.