Red Pencil Diaries

Dave and I packed up and went to Vegas last week. The kids stayed at his mom and dad's house. Our flight was supposed to leave at 4:25 pm on Wednesday, but ended up being delayed because of storms in Chicago. We finally got in the air around 5:40 pm. We landed in Chicago and ran across the airport to make our flight to Vegas, which lasted more than 4 hours. When we finally landed, it was after 11 pm home time, but only around 8 in Vegas. We checked into our hotel and ran downstairs for some food--we hadn't eaten much other than crackers and some nuts since breakfast. Then, we sat down at a $.25 slot machine in the casino at our hotel. I put in $3 and amazingly won the progressive jackpot--$395! After that, Dave and I headed out to survey the area. We'd been to Vegas several times before, but it had been years. So much had changed. Next to our hotel is under major construction--several blocks of land will soon hold the City Center. Hotels, apartments, timeshares, and retail and restaurants. It is amazingly big and unbelievable. We also discovered that Aladdin hotel had become Planet Hollywood. We actually really had a great time in that area--tons of shopping and shows, plus it was almost across the street from Monte Carlo, where we were staying. We hiked up and down the strip in the incredible heat--topped at around 107 degrees on Saturday. We carried bottles of water with us everywhere. We also discovered the double-decker air-conditioned buses provided $7 day passes for rides up and down the strip. We used that for a couple of days. We ranked the best overall meal-value at the Dan Marino restaurant inside the Hooters complex. $9.95 meal consisted of a huge portion of beef brisket for me, ribs and chicken for Dave plus garlic mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. Yum. The absolute best breakfast buffet was the Spice Market Buffet at Planet Hollywood. And the most unbelievable (and most pricey) dinner buffet was at Bellagio--they even have Kobe beef prime rib on the buffet. Tons of food that tastes incredibly delicious. It ran us about $35 per person and we ate so much that I felt ill the rest of the night. But wow--it was seriously a beautiful and scrumptious feast! Cab fair and show costs have both gone up! We were shocked to pay $25 for a cab ride from the airport to the Monte Carlo. We ended up skipping the pricier shows (although we considered buying the half price tickets at one of those places that sells seats left over on the day of a show) in favor of a reasonably priced VIP seat to a great comedy show. We sat in the second row and even though the comedian (Dan Barnhardt) picked on Dave as a married man, he was super nice and gave Dave a free tshirt and even autographed it after the show! Dave and I discovered yummy gelato at Caesar's Palace--but it was also quite expensive, go figure. But the whole trip was so worth it. After months of having such intense stress and frustration, we spent some real quality time together. No yelling, no diaper changing, no cutting up someone's meal while they scream. We slept in, stayed up late, wandered around, and talked. In the middle of the city that never sleeps, we found relaxation and togetherness.

Most days, I don't feel like a good mom. I feel like I try. I go through the motions of "mom" things, but often, I feel like I've somehow not met up to some standard. But lately, I've come to realize that there aren't really any set standards. I try. I do what I can. Sure, maybe I can't be outside with my kids all day. And maybe I bribe them with a treat on occasion. And I probably buy them too many toys. And yeah... I don't feed them meals that are 100 percent healthy every day. But I think they are mostly happy. And they are healthy. And best of all, they are loved. So I am going to try not to beat myself up for not meeting some imaginary standard. Instead, I'm just going to keep trying to do what I can.

Dave and I spent way too much time together. We got on each others' nerves a lot. A lot. We argued. We tried to escape to opposite corners of the house. And then he suddenly got a job offer last week, which he accepted. And then on Sunday, he left to go to Chicago for a training class that would last all week. I realize now... I miss him so much. I'm sure it's good for us to have time apart. It's just been a shock not having him around at all. Not here at night, so I don't sleep well. The kids miss him--they've had Daddy home for months now to do what they want! Not here when it's storming and the wind is blowing too hard. Not here when I can't open a jar or when I can't figure out a computer-related problem. Not here to back me up when the kids won't listen--although I did manage to "conjure" him up on Skype this evening and through "video conferencing," Zack managed to get the clue and he cleaned up his toys. Yes, when he gets home on Friday, I'll be ever so thankful and happy. And I realize now, if we are ever in that situation again, when we're both forced to be at home together a lot, we just need to make a point to each get out and away for a day or so. Give each other some breathing room and have more to talk about than financial issues. It's important. And I love him. Sooooo much.

I was the size of a small Silverstream camper. I hobbled slowly but surely into Norton Suburban hospital when it was so early that the sun was not yet up. I remember wearing my hot pink faux croc flip flops--the ones with the gawdy pink rhinestones on them--because no other shoes would fit my swollen feet. But at around 8 am, I gave birth to Ms. Lola Beatrice. I cannot believe it has been two years! She's such a beautiful little girl. Still my baby. Blue eyes shining up at me. She's my baby. Always.